Read full post here. WE LOVE YOU KATIE!
It took me a long time to write this - as opposed to last year when the list came fast and furious in a Nyquil-fueled haze.
I tried to write it in December, and then January, and then I promised myself it’d be done by the 20th. But for a brief moment in time, fucking felt so beside the point. If the US had elected a fascist, all bets were off. Fuck a hole in the wall, for all I care.
But do I want you fucking a man without a bed frame? No, of course not! I want more for you. And, if you don’t have principles in your bed, no way you’ll have them in the streets.
So here it is - my heteronormative as fuck list of men not to fuck. (All laws from 2016 are still in effect.)
3. Liars - Since America decided to let their racism take the wheel in the voting booth and elect a man who is not even charming enough to be called a “grifter,” your life is full up on lies. You straight up don’t have room in your skull for another lie. Move on.
5. Men Who Consume but Do Not Produce - Consumption is not an identity. You can watch as many corny movies as you want but this does not a personality make. We turn to the ancient proverb: “If a Stepbrothers quote falls in the woods and no one is around it to hear it, does it constitute a joke?” No, it doesn’t. People should produce and consume in equal measure. It doesn’t matter so much what he produces - a good scrambled egg, art about men who kiss hats, a baseball blog - just produce SOMETHING.
8. Men Without an Emotional Vocabulary - The ultimate in adulthood accessories is the ability to say clearly and honestly, “This is how I feel and why.” We’re in a miasma of shit in 2017 and playing “what did he mean in this text” won’t be cute any longer. State your feelings upfront and, preferably, on the phone.